One of the hardest things in a relationship is when one of you are diagnosed with an illness such as cancer. If your just dating do you wonder if your partner will stick around?  It is sad to say that if one of you are looking for an out this is the time when your relationship is tested.  It is also a stressful time for you both due to for different reasons. This can either bring you closer or put a wedge between you.

I know this personally and I can tell you that the relationship is tested.  The stress level is very high.  I’m not sure who has it harder to tell you the truth. One of you is dealing with an illness and the other feels completely helpless because you can’t do a thing to make it better. But, in fact of having someone in your life that loves you completely and stand beside you in your time of need is huge. It’s down right beautiful if you ask me.  The best thing you can do is live your life for this moment and enjoy the time you have together.  In fact I think if you can get through to the otherside you will have a very strong relationship and your love will be even deeper for each other.  In the end talking and being open about how your feeling is the most important thing.  It will keep you grounded.

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If you asked my friends if I live in reality they would say “yes”.  Living  in a fairytale can only harm you and the ones you love. Every couple has their problems but it is up to each person to figure out their own role with the issues. Nothing can last forever and if you think it can you better wake up fast.

I’m not being negative at all but as a women in her mid-forties never married even I know love won’t last forever. I don’t believe we are meant to be with just one person our whole life. And I thank god I never married any of the men I dated years back.  I’m always changing and loving it.  It is only now that I have a clear understanding of what I want out of a relationship.  I’m finally with a great guy who adores me but he can’t be all things to me. I waited a long time to meet a man who loves me for all of me and gets me completely. But, it’s not perfect because nothing is. 

So whether your in a marriage going nowhere or your relationship is not turning out to be what you wanted, then you need to be brave and true to yourself.  All you can do is give it your best but don’t give up without trying to work things out. Fight for what you want and need. Never take the easy way out of life when it comes to anything because there is always great lessons to learn.  Consider a Relationship Coach or Couples Therapy.  As I always say “Honor your inner voice and allow it to guide you”.

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Have you ever talked yourself out of liking someone to avoid your fears or being hurt?  When you have your guard up it is always for a reason.  Most likely it’s there due to past experiences.  There are times when taking a break from dating and doing some soul searching is exactly what you need.  It is better than going out on dates knowing that you will never have a second date due to your heart is just not into it.  We all need time to reflect and putting your dating on the back burner. I myself did this about 4 years ago and the benefits were amazing.  You whole outlook on being single changed.  When you are able to be clear about what you want out of the next relationship then it’s time to jump back into the scene.  So if your goals aren’t clear or your not over past relationships and the hurt that goes along with them just take a break.  You may consider relationship coaching or therapy.

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Vacations are a great way to really get to know one another.  It’s a time to get away from your daily routine and stress.  No phones ringing is the best ever!  A lot of people are nervous the first vacation they take with the person they’re dating. This is where you see if your mate can relax and just go with the flow.  Some people don’t do well going away let’s say to an island for a week with nothing to do but relax and have fun.  It’s a great test to see each other outside of our normal everyday lives.  We are all a little nervous the first time we travel with our new partner. But, hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised.

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I think we need a “HAPPY SINGLES DAY”.  The holidays are hard for most singles and a time when you feel depressed or question why am I still single. I’m not talking about a day where you stay in bed all day and feel sorry for yourself.  But, a day where you honor your empowerment and singlehood.  It takes 2 singles to make a couple so we all start out single. There is alot of power in being on your own and being successful at taking care of yourself.  The most important relationship is the one with yourself so treat yourself and focus on what you have vs. what you don’t have.

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My life has always been a bumpy road with highs and lows.  It took a long time for me to stop playing the victim role and take control of my thoughts and feelings about whatever is in front of me.  Bad things do happen to good people but it is how we deal with the bumps that mold us.  I have always said what does not kill me will make me stronger. 

So next time your approach a bump in the road of life don’t give up on yourself and the people that love you. There is always something to learn from each experience both good and bad. We all have personal power and this is the time to call upon yours. Try and sit with your feelings and notice that the harder you look inward your strength will shine through. Write, talk to a friend but above all be honest with yourself. 

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In relationships our love is tested over and over.  At times each person will go through setbacks in life. You know the expression what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger?  Well, this is so true and I’m a perfect example of this with my own life struggles. 

Each of us need to take responsiblity of our own path in life. What we hope is that our partner can support us.  But, there can be limitations as to how your partner will react and deal with your own personal struggles. An example is my recent news of having breast cancer. Although, my cancer was caught early and I do need surgery to remove a small lump with possible radiation treatments I’m still scared as hell. My boyfriend has been very supportive and we are taking one step at a time. But, since my mom and sister are both breast cancer survivors I am the real deal.  So I don’t expect my boyfriend to totally understand what I’m going through. But, his love and support is such a comfort. The power of his love for me is helping me keep it together.  So remember we all deal with things in our own way and we have are own coping skills. Allow your partner to support you in his or her own way and never be afraid to ask for what you need.

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When there is conflict in a relationship it can be very upsetting. You have to ask yourself what is the reality of the situation. The blame can not be placed on just one of you.  What you need to do is try and see both sides.  Think of it as watching a movie and really seeing the characters.  This takes practice because most of the time we get all in our head and can’t see what is really going on. This used to be me but now I take a step back and see the reality of the situation.  You need to really listen and understand your partners view. 

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We all have our own style of communication. I for one never used to be able to communicate my true feelings out of fear of rejection. But, I found through a lot of hard inner work that I needed to face my own demons. Now I find it easy to speak my truth and allow others to have their own views. I always thought you needed to view things the same in order to keep the peace. This is just not so.  What you do need is common goals to make communication work.  Seeing somone elses views can be enlightening.  Try and stay open to others opinion and remember that there are always two sides. 

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If your not happy and want life to be different it will take work.  Doing nothing about your unhappiness is like spinning your wheels and staying stuck.  If your looking for love but never do anything about it guess what will happen.  It’s like waiting for Publisher’s Clearing house to come knocking on your door and give you tons of money.  Chances are it’s not going to happen.  So I challenge you to explore coaching and take the first step to improving your life and creating a new beginning. 

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