Believe it or not there are a lot of single people that are happy. If you can stay in the present and not look back or too far forward you can find inner peace. It is only when you look back or wish your life was different in the moment that kicks your butt each and every time.

I don’t live in the past anymore because I can’t change a thing and actually I wouldn’t want to. I’m here now in this moment and can visualize all I want in my life. I don’t say things like “I want or I need”. Instead I imagine what I desire as if it already exist.

So, be happy if you’re single at the moment and embrace the here and now. Live your life and all good things will come in due time.

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The ex factor is plan and simple to me since I have been on both sides. It is very rare that two people who were in love and intimate to be just friends when they split up. I’m not saying it can’t work but it’s hard. Some feeling just never go away and it can get in the way of a new relationship. If both parties are involved with other people it could work. It takes a secure person and a lot of trust to be OK with the ex in the picture.

Does the attraction and chemistry just go away? We are all human and have to be honest about the law of attraction with the ex. I can be honest and say that it took years for me to stop wanting to get back together with a long lost boyfriend. For both of us it was just to know we could have each other again. Old wounds exposed and resurfacing is not all that much fun.

So, just ask yourself the basic question of why is this so important to cling onto the ex. And aren’t you just fooling yourself….

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What do you think? There are many people out there that enjoy being single. And, not for reasons that you would think. It isn’t that they have so much baggage that they could sink a ship. Or they just can’t commit.

Times have changed and so have the views of not wanting to run to the alter or settle down. I have a couple friends that say their life is fulfilled. I don’t think you are truly alone if you have a good circle of friends and family. If you are not planning on having children is one reason people stay single.

These days a lot of men and women 35 and older find a way to get their needs met. Some just want a friend with benefits. There is so much judgement on this subject that really makes me laugh. It’s better than being with someone that you have no interest in a future with but enjoy the time you spend together. It is a mutual choice and it works for some.

Women make just as much as men now and can take care of themselves. I say good for you! And for men who don’t want a family and are happy being single the same goes for you. When I think of being old I have to say I picture myself hanging out with my girlfriends. My friends and I joke about it but it could happen if we out live our men.

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If you want to date you will need to put time and energy into it. If you’re not willing to put any effort into finding TRUE love it will never happen. Time and time again people want to work with a dating coach but think there is magic involved. I don’t have a pill to prescribe or a trick to tell you. What I do provide is straight forward, honest and fun approach to breaking old patterns. If the area of relationships and love are not getting you to your end result there is a reason.

You must weed out all the negative thoughts and inner talk that prevents you from being who you really are. No one will love you if you don’t love yourself first. This is work people and I challenge you to step up to the plate and take a swing. Practice makes perfect but sometimes you need a little help. Don’t you want to be the best that you can? I do and I work on this each and everyday. There is something to learn from each interaction and experience.

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There is no rule written in stone when it comes to how many dates should you have before sleeping with someone. I hear some men say there is a 3 to 5 date rule. It is all a personal preference but make sure you can handle not getting a call or date from the person you slept with too soon. Women need to become warriors that are strong and confident. A warrior knows when to go into battle and when to sit back and wait for the best outcome.

I have been there myself years ago and learned the same lessons as you. When I was single and online I would even write in my profile that if your looking for a hook up PLEASE just pass on by. I got so tired of the game. The men were so into me until around the 3rd date when I wouldn’t have sex and vanished into the night never to be heard from again. I was very clear that I was looking for my last love and nothing less.

Your self esteem and confidence can be affected by sleeping with someone and then never hearing from them again. So think before your leap and if someone is really interested in you they WILL wait.

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Is dating someone without baggage possible? Let’s be honest everyone has some baggage. We always see on dating site profiles “no baggage please”. It is just a matter of how big is your baggage. Is it the size of a carry on bag or a trunk?

I don’t know about you but having been through sh*t in your life make you either stronger or you let it weigh you down. It’s your choice on how you live your life and what you chose to let go of. I myself could make a list of all the drama in my life but I’ll tell you it has only made me stronger and more secure.

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Have you ever talked yourself out of liking someone to avoid your fears or being hurt?  When you have your guard up it is always for a reason.  Most likely it’s there due to past experiences.  There are times when taking a break from dating and doing some soul searching is exactly what you need.  It is better than going out on dates knowing that you will never have a second date due to your heart is just not into it.  We all need time to reflect and putting your dating on the back burner. I myself did this about 4 years ago and the benefits were amazing.  You whole outlook on being single changed.  When you are able to be clear about what you want out of the next relationship then it’s time to jump back into the scene.  So if your goals aren’t clear or your not over past relationships and the hurt that goes along with them just take a break.  You may consider relationship coaching or therapy.

 

 

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I think we need a “HAPPY SINGLES DAY”.  The holidays are hard for most singles and a time when you feel depressed or question why am I still single. I’m not talking about a day where you stay in bed all day and feel sorry for yourself.  But, a day where you honor your empowerment and singlehood.  It takes 2 singles to make a couple so we all start out single. There is alot of power in being on your own and being successful at taking care of yourself.  The most important relationship is the one with yourself so treat yourself and focus on what you have vs. what you don’t have.

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There are so many single people frustrated when it comes to their dating situation.  I wish I had a magic bullet to come up with one solution that would work for everyone to improve their love life. A year ago I was looking for the magic bullet myself.  The bottom line is you have to be in it to win it.  You need to stay open to new ideas of ways to meet new people. If the internet dating isn’t working for you let your friends and co-workers know that your willing to be fixed up if they know of someone.  Or, how about joining a sports group such as a skiing or volleyball club.  Find what interests you and research what organizations are out there to join.  In the next coming weeks I will post more ideas for finding your soul mate.  The bottom line is there is work and energy on your part to make this happen.

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It is very common for single people to be depressed during the holiday season. It is all about your loved ones and family. Always remember even when your not dating there are plenty of people in your life that love you and care for you.

What is must important is treat yourself with kindness during the holidays. Focus on what you have and not what is missing. We all have things to be grateful for so stay positive. Make a wish list for 2007. Write down all you hope, desires and wishes for the new year. Ask for what you want in a positive way to your higher power and watch what can happen. It will keep you on the positive path.

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